i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
