You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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