I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
