and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
