Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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