You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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