i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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