I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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