i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
