Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
