If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
