I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
