I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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