Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
