wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
