Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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