He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
