Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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