p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
