you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
