Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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