She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
