omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
