Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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