At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
