I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
