i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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