He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
