we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
