I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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