life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
