TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
