there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
