margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Pooping to opera.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
