Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
