Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
