Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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