cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
