Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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