Where is the hickey?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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