we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
