3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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