So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
