He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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