i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
