I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
