Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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