wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
