i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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