Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
