Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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