yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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