the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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